So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
