i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I understand Curling. That high.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
