Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
How naked do you want me to be?
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