Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
