his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
