I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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