mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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