Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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