So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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