I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
