My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
