i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
