why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
