she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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