I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
