I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
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