She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
