apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
