The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
