Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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