They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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