I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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