Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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