i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
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