I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
