Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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