I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
