Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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