We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
