I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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