So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
