I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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