I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
