Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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