Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
