he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
