You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
