I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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