and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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