I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
