we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
