The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
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Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
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You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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