My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize