And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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