she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
