brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
