Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
