By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
we're so committed to being not committed
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
