nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
