I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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