i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
