Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
