I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
