Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
