Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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