apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
