apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
