I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
