Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
