Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
