I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
