the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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