hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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