can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
