I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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