Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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