You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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