I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
