I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
