I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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