Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize