I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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