i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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