i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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