You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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