I can text with my tongue
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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