But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
